Burn Out

I am done. I think I'm at the burn out period. I am a little less than a month away from break and I have been teaching for three months. These kids and their actions are taking a toll on me. There hasn't been a single event that has caused me to feel this way. It's just more of a buildup that has occurred. I realized it didn't take me long to adjust. I didn't stop to really figure out how I was dealing with everything. It's catching up to me now, and hitting me like a brick. I can't really explain how I'm feeling, but I'm going through a trough for sure.

I don't feel like I'm teaching these kids anything. I'll teach them someone one class and they forget it by the next class. Even worse, I'll teach something one period and they won't listen or pay attention and they will ask questions about what I taught them that same period. Examples: I told them they cannot start sentences with conjunctions (and, but, because, or) one day. The next class, people were at the board and were starting their sentences with "Because...". I turned to the class and asked what I taught them last class. No one responded. I asked them if they could start sentences with "And, But, Because, Or" and they all said yes. UGH. Another example: I taught them a lesson on Thanksgiving and then had them make turkey hands. While I was walking around, I saw a student turn to her neighbor and ask (in Korean), what Thanksgiving was. DOUBLE UGH. I even have an example from today. I taught a lesson on giving compliments. During the activity, a student wasn't writing a compliment (comic compliments) so I pointed to the paper and told him to write a compliment. He turned to his neighbor and asked what a compliment was. I wanted to just die right there. It's frustrating because I'm not teaching them complex things, just trying to improve their current abilities. They know what conjunctions and compliments are. This is all just frustrating.

It doesn't help that I taught at Andrew Moncada's school this past Saturday. His school had a Saturday English camp and he needed 3 more teachers so Katelyn, Tracey, and I taught alongside him. We rotated through four classes. He teaches at an all-boys high school in Iksan. His kids were ANGELS. It was so nice to have students pay attention, listen to directions, and pretty much grasp what I'm trying to say or convey to them. It was so nice and such a sharp contrast to my kids. In a way, I really wish I had decided to put down high school as a preference when I was filling out my preference sheet (although I probably wouldn't have gotten it since I didn't get anything else either) but still. Teaching middle school is really hard. I'm realizing it now. I get there are pros and cons to each and a lot of students sleep in high school and have no energy, but the tradeoffs seem really enticing right now. My kids are just taking their toll on me.

Onto an update of Korea adventures...

Two weeks ago, I tried 홍어, which is skatefish that ferments in its own pee. Tracey's school was having a celebration dinner for the teachers because school rankings came out and her high school is ranked first in our province, Jeollanamdo, and ranked third in all of Korea. It's quite a feat. All the high school teachers went out for a dinner, paid for by the school. Even though I'm at the middle school, I was invited and allowed to go because the Principal likes me, apparently. It doesn't taste like a lot at first but after a long time spent chewing, the ammonia hits your nose. It's not pleasant but it's something I wanted to do before I leave Korea.

That weekend of November 16th, I went to Seoul and met up with almost all of the ETAs. Tracey and I went into Seoul a little later on Friday because there was a radio show that was recording her students that Friday. I went to see it in her school library after my classes and the kids were really impressive. One of her students, Jean, did a rap and he was REALLY good. I actually played basketball with him one time and he's really into rap. His English was really good and I was impressed. Anyway, after the radio show recording, we left for Seoul. The KAEC office was hosting an ETA Thanksgiving dinner for all of us on Saturday night. It was really nice of them. The food was good but I think I set myself up for failure because I was looking forward to green bean casserole and mac and cheese. Those are my two favorite things from a Thanksgiving meal and both were missing from the dinner, unfortunately. There was turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and cranberry sauce though. Overall, I shouldn't complain because it was a very nice dinner and it was great of the Fulbright office to do it for us. The Ambassador was present and so were other Embassy officials.

After the dinner at the National Folk Museum, a bunch of us headed over to the Cheonggyecheon Stream for the Seoul Lantern Festival. It reminded me of the Jinju Lantern Festival but not as extravagant or large.

The week after coming back from Seoul (last week) was when I started feeling a bit dissatisfied being here. I'm not sure if it was because I was so tired. I went out both Friday and Saturday night in Seoul. On Friday night, we didn't get back to the hostel until 4am and on Saturday night, I got back around 2am. On the other hand, I'm just feeling like the kids don't want to be here. It's a bit of everything. Regardless, I did a lesson on Thanksgiving for my students. I do want to hit upon one story: I was putting up turkey hands that students had made in some of the classroom I teach in before lunch. After lunch (about an hour later), I walked by the classroom and saw that all the drawings were torn down. During lunch, students (usually the boys) will invade a classroom and use the computer to play games and watch videos. So, when I went into the classroom, a bunch of students were still around on the computer and messing around. I asked who tore my drawings down. The students were all looking at me and not saying anything. There were some kids pointing at a kid (I think just to pick on him) but I was not having it. I just walked away. I went back to my desk pretty disappointed. I had spent time putting up the drawings. About ten minutes later, two of my students came to my room and had a bunch of the drawings in their hands. They had gone through the trash to collect them. I was still angry with them so I told them I didn't want them but I wanted them to go back up on the wall. I handed them my stapler and off they went. About five minutes later, they came back. I went into the room and it was chaotic. They had just stapled the drawings around the back wall randomly, everywhere, in every direction. There were about three of my boy students putting them up. I looked at them and shook my head. I told them I wanted them next to one another, in an organized fashion. I was standing at the front of the room watching them and it was actually pretty funny. One of the students ripped a part of the paper but then immediately covered it up with his hand. I found it so funny. He didn't mean to rip the paper but once he realized he did, it was very obvious he wished he had not done so. I actually started laughing and told him it was okay. It actually cheered me up some, the fact that they put the pictures back up. There is some hope that the kids care.

This weekend, I went to Iksan with Tracey late on Friday night for Andrew's camp (as mentioned earlier). After we finished the camp at 3pm, the four of us went to downtown Iksan where Andrew and Katelyn showed us around. We went to CGV and watched the last Twilight movie. I haven't read the books and have only seen the first Twilight (Freshman year of college with Aubrey and the twins because Aubrey really wanted to go see it) so I wasn't too sure about it but I ended up actually really liking it, surprisingly. I know the Twilight series are really lovely dovey and crap, which I was not looking forward to (since the first movie was like that) but the last one was actually pretty entertaining (the ending at least). The beginning was kinda too much stupid love/stuff-that-would-not-happen-in-real-life but the movie got really good at the end. There's this huge, epic battlescene with people ripping other peoples' heads off and the four of us were pretty much screaming in the theater. We were so loud, screaming, "OOHHHHHHH" and "AHHHHHH" every 10 seconds but it was HILARIOUS and absolutely RIDICULOUS. I won't say much more about it but the movie exceeded my expectations (though to be fair, I didn't really have any to begin with). I enjoyed myself. After the movie, we went to the arcade where there is this one awesome game. Andrew and Katelyn said the game was a rite of passage for all those who visit Iksan. It was a lot of fun; it's a video arcade Korean version game of Super Mario Party, if that makes sense.

Oh and one last thing. When I got back from Iksan on Saturday night, there was a puppy in my host family's apartment! My homestay got a dog finally and she's adorable. She's tiny and only 5 months old right now. Her name is 까비.

Gratification

Last Thursday was the 수능, which is the college entrance exam. I had no school Thursday and it was half a day on Wednesday because the teachers had to go to a meeting to prepare for proctoring the next day. The 수능 is a HUGE deal in Korea. It's really a national event, really. No planes are allowed to fly that day (seriously). There are police roadblocks set up around schools sometimes to stop noise and work on traffic flow so no student is late to it. It's a BIG deal. It's THE test that makes or breaks a students' future, in a sense. This is especially true if you are trying to get into a specific university or study a specific major. This is what all students are preparing for when they study. This exam is what all the high school students are studying for everyday from 8am-midnight. It's ridiculous but this is the Korean education system. So while the rest of Korea was holding their breath waiting for their kids, siblings, friends to get out of the 수능, I was sleeping in and bumming around. I went to Cafe Mama's (the coffee shop I go to around my house to lesson plan) and did some work for a little bit with Tracey. After the 수능, people celebrate and the third year high school students all give out a collective sigh. Their stress goes from 100% to 0% within a span of 9 hours(how long the 수능 lasts). They only have half days at school after the exam (they leave at noon) and most kids don't even have to go to school since all they do is watch movies and hang out from then onward. At the Yeongheung high school (Tracey's school and my connected high school), the kids no longer have hair cut length requirements so kids have elaborate plans to dye, perm, and grow out their hair, etc. Days following the 수능, parents take their kids out to eat at fancy restaurants, buy them phones, electronics, etc. It's a BIG deal. It's interesting to see it all play out because there's nothing as big in America. The SATs are nothing compared to the 수능.

So I volunteer at a North Korean Defector Program (NKD), teaching English on Thursday nights. This past Thursday was so rewarding and gratifying. I've been working with two students, both in middle school. Let's called them S and Z, to protect their identities. This past week, only S showed up and I would say that he's slightly more advanced than Z. So I started about two months ago and the goal is to get them reading by the end of the year (by the time I leave Korea). I started with the absolute basics of the alphabet. The problem is that as fast as I wanted to go, I had to work with their speed. Even though I would tell them to study at home, they never would. So the only time they really worked on anything I gave them was when they were with me for an hour on Thursday. That's why it ended up taking so long to get through the alphabet. After we got through the alphabet (which took a few weeks) and even today, Z hasn't gotten it zone, we focused on the consonant sounds. Last week was the breakthrough with S. I taught him the short vowel sounds for 'a' and 'e'. I used consonant-vowel-consonant (CVC) words to teach him and it worked. It was SO gratifying; honestly, it was more rewarding than I thought. I know I still have a long way to go and this is just one small step but it was still a step. He was sounding out the sounds like I taught him and he was getting it. It wasn't perfect but it worked. It was awesome. I'm excited to see Z this week and bring him up to speed too.

On another note, planning for Winter Break is really time consuming and kind of difficult. I don't want to travel anywhere alone, not because I can't but because traveling is just more fun when you are with other people. It takes a lot of effort to talk to a lot of different ETAs and figure out their plans and where they're going and if you are interested in going there at that time, etc. It's giving me a headache.

Following the Halloween incident where a student stole a lollipop from my backpocket last week, I decided to punish my kids. I had all my classes write lines for 15 minute at the beginning of class where they copied, "I am sorry teacher for not respecting you. I will respect you." It went awesome. I had a co-teacher translate all my slides at the beginning which explained the situation. I wanted all my students to understand why I was punishing them. If they didn't understand why I was making them copy lines, then they would just resent me. I imagined my Korean teacher coming into Korean class one morning and yelling at us in Korean and not being to understand her. If that happened, I would be so confused and angry if she punished us by writing lines. If she came in, guns blazing, and explained to us in English why she was angry, I would at least understand the reasoning behind her actions. In my powerpoint slides, I wrote out the situation in English and Korean so that my students understood. I didn't want any excuses from anyone about the punishment. It worked. I even got a few letters out of it from students, while they were copying lines.

This past weekend, I didn't travel. My family had told me a few weeks ago that my sister, 지은 would be going to the hospital for a quick test on Saturday and our family would be going with her and then playing afterwards. Bright and early Saturday morning, around 7:45am, we piled into the car and drove for about an hour. Her test only took about 30 minutes. Afterwards, we drove to Gwangju and ate at a duck restaurant. It was delicious. We must've spent at least an hour and a half eating at this place. I was so full; we ate around 11am and I wasn't hungry by the time dinner rolled around at 7pm. After lunch, we went to Lotte Outlets in Suwan, Gwangju. My parents dropped bank there. I guess it's because they don't go shopping very often but they had no shame buying things left and right. For example, we stopped at the Kappa store and they dropped like 200,00원 (a little less than $200) for two track suits for my brother. It was interesting watching them go to town. After the outlet mall, we headed back home and bummed around for the rest of the day.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I'm heading to Seoul to see all (or at least almost all) of the ETAs for Thanksgiving dinner, provided by the KAEC. It's gonna be a big shindig, with the KAEC office and the Ambassador. They go all out for us; they rent out a museum and there's apparently all the typical Thanksgiving food. It's hosted by the military and it's about $50 a head. It's gonna be epic.

Changes in an Instant

I stayed around in Mokpo this weekend--thought it'd be nice to spend a weekend at home since I've been traveling so much. The plan was to bum around the apartment with the family a little bit and also go to my boys' soccer game on Saturday.

After school on Friday, one of Tracey's co-teacher invited us to dinner with her and her husband and kid. The family has AMAZING English. The son's English is absolutely incredible--I think it's better than all my students, honestly. Most Korean kids know English grammar in theory but can't apply it. This kid's speaking and listening ability is incredible. I was able to talk at a somewhat normal speed and he would understand and respond. Tracey tells me he reads English chapter books. That's better than most of my students. Her husband and son live in Gwangju for her husband's job. They see each other on weekends. The son is home schooled. It's an interesting concept in Korea. They took us to a restaurant and then we went to a cafe afterwards and chatted. I think her husband used to be an English teacher too since he also had really good English. We talked a lot about the education system and how different it was in Korea/Asia versus America. It was definitely a good conversation and it got me thinking a lot about how imperfect all education systems really are.

On Saturday morning, I went to my boys' soccer match. How I came to hear about it is a story. At school, I can tell which kids come running in from playing sports and which kids are more active when I visit them in PE. One specific day about two weeks ago, I was leaving the gym and saw two of my boys walk in. These two boys are what I would call the "popular kids" in my class. They are in 3-3, which used to be my worst class on Wednesdays but because they like me, the overall ability to control the class has increased significantly. The class is so much more manageable than the first few weeks and I think the boys even like me (most of them at least). Anyway, they were coming into the gym and I thought it was odd since I knew they weren't a part of the gym class I was just playing with and it was also the end of the day so there would be no next gym class. I asked what they were doing and they said they were going to play soccer. They then said they were getting ready for a contest (competition I deduced). They showed me a piece of paper with a bunch of Korean I didn't understand but I got the gist of the information. I asked them when it was and they said it would be two Saturdays away. I told them I wanted to watch them play and they started to give me more information but I told them to remind me in class when I would see them on Wednesday. They gave me information about location, 목포국제축구션터(Mokpo International Football Center), the time, 12:40pm, and the field, Star Field. It's the same place Liam coaches soccer on Saturdays/Sundays. I had mentioned to them in class that I would bring them cookies but I don't think they actually believed me when I said I would come. I also saw almost the entire team on Friday after school on the bleachers/stairs. I told them I'd see them Saturday since most of the team didn't actually know. One of the students said, "No, thank you." T.T Actually, a majority of the guys I saw practicing are some of my rowdier, "bad" students. Most of them don't pay attention in my class and manage to disrespect me in one way or another. Regardless, I was going to go. Tracey met me at EMart Saturday, around 12:30pm where I was picking up cookies. Then we caught a taxi to the soccer field and met up with Liam; he then led me to my boys. The game was already in swing and I saw my boys (I recognized their blue uniforms) so I headed over to the ones on the sidelines. They were all sitting on the turf. As I approached, they noticed me but I could tell them were looking bummed. I ended up chatting with one of my students, whose English name is Sawyer (he's in class 3-1 and has pretty good English actually). He told me the game was actually moved up to 12:10 so I was arriving for the later part of the game. They only had about 10 minutes left and the score was 2-0 (the other team) so that's why everyone was kinda depressed. The team they were playing in this first round was the team that won the competition last year. Apparently my school's team got 2nd last year. It was just unfortunate these two teams were playing each other in the first round of the competition. I told my boys to cheer up and gave Sawyer the cookies to give out to the rest of the team later. I hung out with them on the turf but other than Sawyer and the popular kid who was the main one who invited me to the game, none of the boys really talked to me. I don't blame them since they were losing the game and it wasn't looking good for them. I didn't realize which of my boys were actually on the team until I saw them playing. Half of them I didn't even realize would be out there. After they lost (3-0), they went to the other side of the field where their stuff was and Tracey, Liam, and I headed over there after a bit. I saw almost all of the gym teachers there. They all came out to support the boys I guess. I think they were surprised to see me though. I also saw a few other of my boy students, friends of the soccer players, there. All my students seemed pretty surprised to see me but none of them really questioned why I was there. I mean, it was obvious I was there to see them. Since they lost, the overall mood was kinda down. Well, they have next year...
Afterwards, I went to a family owned cafe (non chain) on Rose near my place. I graded some papers and Tracey joined me later. Around dinner time, Lizzie, Annie, and Liam joined us so we could get dinner together. We headed out to the bar, Cool Luck, after and had some random life chats and what not. It's nice to have educated conversations with people. I never really appreciate it until I have conversations with ignorant people. I am glad that Fulbright selects well though.

On Sunday, my sister woke me up. She asked me if I was going to go with our family to drive her back to college in Gwangju. Even my host brother was going so I got up and got ready after a little bit. My mom asked me if I wanted to stay at home and rest but I wanted to spend time with them so I tagged along. After dropping her off at school, the four of us went to a restaurant to eat. My mom says it's a famous restaurant in Korea. It was delicious but it wasn't the best thing I've had. It's nice to spend time with my family doing random things even if it's nothing too exciting.

So, again, I leave things for the end. I found out tonight that my grandma passed away yesterday morning (EST). I called my mom tonight with the intention of asking her if she was still planning on coming to visit in February. She got on the phone and said, "Don't cry that grandma's gone." I was in shock. I made sure she said grandma. Apparently she told my brother to send me a message through Voxer (a texting app we use) yesterday but he never did. So I'm not sure what happened but she's been sick and in the hospital for some time now (since my grandpa passed away). I was told she had colon cancer but even that, I'm not sure how true it is. So my mom told me this information and I just...didn't know how to digest it. It's a weird situation since my mom has always been closer to her dad (my grandpa) than her mom (my grandma) so I've grown up being trained to be "biased" towards my grandpa. In reality though, my grandma was the one who raised me. I remember how my mom and grandma would always joke about how my grandma would stick her tongue out with saliva and as a baby, I would just suck it up. It sounds disgusting now but as a baby, what can you do? My mom's family dynamic is a bit complicated so I won't get into it but my mom always had something against my grandma and I don't think she ever forgave her. So even when we were on the phone talking, my mom was talking negatively about her mother that just passed. I was getting angry and told her to stop talking about her negatively. My mom said something that was pretty attacking so I hung up. I sound like an ungrateful daughter but again, this is a weird situation to explain. It's family issues. I am kind of in shock. It hasn't hit me. Actually, it hit me on Friday that I have no living grandpas left. Now, today, I only have one living grandparent alive. Wow. Life really just changes in an instant. I think I need more time to just think about this. My grandma wasn't a Christian. Even in the hospital, she refused to believe in it. This is what makes me saddest.

RIP Grandma 11-3-12

The Audacity of These Kids

So observation by parents were 'eh on Tuesday. It had to be my worst class, 2-3, and my 3-1 class, but I did the best with what I got. My lesson on conditionals was simple and repetitive enough for all my students to understand, so that was a win. So it was an open class so parents could come in and out of my room and stay or leave as they wanted. There were times I had no parents in my room, one parent in my room, and even twenty parents in my room. Oh, and when I say parents, I actually mean mothers. My 2-3 class was rowdy, per usual when they came in and weren't any different when there was anything less than five parents in the room. They're always super loud, chit chatty, and overall just disrespectful. Then there was a horde of parents that came in at once. They were dead silent. It's the quietest I've EVER heard them before. I even made a comment to them at the end of my instructions where I said, "You are all so good now that your mothers are watching you." A few of them who understood what I was saying chuckled.

Thursday was Halloween and it was a BUST day. So I bought candy from Costco in Busan (expensive since I bought so much) and hauled it back with me for these ungrateful kids. I thought I would do something nice for them and show them a little bit of American culture. I was only going to give one Dum-Dum for each student since I had a little more than enough for all of my students. Long story short, I realized how little some students respect me. It went horribly. I was trying to have a system where only one kid would take a piece at a time so I could control how much they would take. But then one kid would put a hand in, then another, then madness would ensure where there would be 20 hands in the bag. Kids were taking HANDFULS of Dum-Dums. The ones who took a lot would run away immediately after taking them even when I called for them to come back. Eventually, I stopped the madness. I was even willing to let it go. Then something happened that set me off.
I was coming back from lunch and there were tons of kids waiting for me. So I had them line up in the hallway and went to get my candy. This time, I monitored VERY closely so I only had one kid take a piece of candy at any given time. I felt a tap on my shoulder and a first year student, the captain in Mr. Cho's homeroom class who has excellent English, handed me a Chupa-Chup and said, "Happy Halloween." She's a real sweet kid. Anyway, I put the lollipop in my back pocket and kept giving out candy. Then I felt the lollipop leaving my back pocket. I turned around and there were a bunch of kids around. I asked who took it and all of them denied taking it. Kids were pulling their pockets inside out and even searching each other, patting each other down. Still, all of them claimed, "Not me, Teacher." So I said to the hall and line of students, "Someone stole my candy so no candy for anyone." With that, I walked back into my office, shut my door to all the students in the hallway groaning, and locked up the candy in my cabinet. The audacity of these students is RIDICULOUS. How dare a student steal from me. One student's action speaks volumes about all the students though.
So, this is when I decided to take action. My lesson for this week, following Halloween, in a punishment lesson. I first explain the situation to my students and then I have them write lines for the first 15 minutes of class. I tell them the main concern is that I find that the students do not respect me. I tell them I will not tolerate it. I wrote my powerpoint slides in English and had Mr. Cho translate them all in Korean. I want every single student to understand the situation so all of them will understand why I am angry and why they are being punished. When we were at Orientation, if my Korean teacher came in one day and started yelling at us in Korean, and then told me to write lines in Korean, I would be super confused and probably a bit angry because it would seem unreasonable and unfair. So, I ensured all my slides explaining the situation were in English and Korean. This gives the students no excuses for not understanding. Then I have them write lines for 15 minutes; they write "I am sorry Teacher for not respecting you. I will respect you." I was going back and forth about my feelings for this lesson. I didn't want to go through with it since I have some really great classes and some great students that I know respect me. For example, I know that none of my third year girl students were involved. So, I feel bad for punishing them. However, if I punish some kids, I have to punish all of them. Otherwise, students will claim it is unfair and I am showing favoritism. I don't want there to be any gray; it is black and white. Plus, this Korean culture of 우리 (we-ness) plays here. One student's lack of discretion leads to punishment for all.
I started this new lesson on Thursday. I think the anger in my voice when I called for their attention at the beginning of class gave them the hint it was not a fun day. In a few classes, there have been some mutters about how unfair it is, not understanding (when I ask if they understand), etc; when I hear any dissent, I give my stare in the general direction and ask them to repeat it. They never do. They know I'm angry and they understand the situation so I think they realize I am very serious and it is not a joking matter with me. So far, I've done this punishment lesson on Thursday and Friday. It's worked WONDERS so far. Some classes are more "receptive" to the story and understanding why they're writing lines than others but overall, none of my students really question my authority, once they realize I'm angry. This isn't my "most successful" lesson by any means but it is probably the best class management lesson I've had yet. This is even better than my sacrificial lambs when I first starting teaching.

Well, at least I've learned something--to be a Korean middle school teacher, classroom management is more important than teaching. Truth.

And So Life Goes On

Today is a bullet point, cut-to-the-chase kind of post. It's beyond me why I always wait so long between posts because things just build up and then I word vomit without really saying anything in my posts. Fail.

Three weekends ago was the ETA Fall Conference in Gyeongju. Here were key highlights I want to mention:
-There was cheese. It was delicious. The KAEC staff stocked up on goodies and snacks for us everytime we had a break. There were also apples. Those were good too. -Since the Jellanom-do crew is so big, we took up all but 2 seats on the bus from Gwangju to Gyeongju.
-Upon arrival, we went to the hotel where we would be staying and where the conference meetings would be held.
-At the beginning of conference, we wrote down on a piece of paper what our biggest struggle was and what our biggest fear was. Then we put them on a wall and could respond to each others' posts. It was great to know that everyone was going through similar issues.
-There were Large Groups, a few talks by Mrs. Shim, Korean co-teachers, etc, and Small Group Discussions led by ETAs.
-The Small Groups were probably the most helpful but the one by Sonia about Phonics was the one I got the most out of. I went to it because I want to use Phonics with the NKD students I volunteer with. Their English level is way, way, way below their peers so I'm starting from scratch and teaching them how to read (or trying at least).
-It was really good to see all the ETAs.
-Gyeongju was beautiful. We had a tour around the city (historical sites) since Geyongju was the capital of Korea back in the Silla Dynasty. We saw a lot of random stuff. It was a long day for the tour and there's too much to say about we saw but it was a good tour.

-I got off Friday and Monday from school to attend conference so that was a nice mini-break from teaching.
-After conference ended Monday morning, a bunch of us went to the Gyeongju Rice Cake Festival. There was a large group of us but we all broke off into smaller groups to walk around.

-I got back to Mokpo kinda late on Monday and a bit groggy but it was worth it.
-I bought back Gyeongju bread with me for the teachers at my school. It was pretty pricey but that's Gyeongju bread is what Gyeongju is known for so I decided it would be worthwhile. It was a huge hit at my school. The teachers were all really receptive and really appreciated me bringing back something for them.
-When I gave my principal bread, he invited me to his office to sit and chat for a little bit. He said I was getting prettier and it must be the school. He said that he thinks the school is good for me. HAHAHAH It took everything not to laugh in front of him. Little does he know how much stress and emotional turmoil these puberty-riden kids give me...
-When I came back, one of my second year female students 소명 came in and chatted with me. She's the class captain for 2-6 and has really good English. She's also really good friends with the host sister for last year's ETA, Daniel. She said she hadn't seen me in a while (since I missed Friday and Monday) so I felt the love. It's one student, but it means a lot to hear it from someone. To be honest, I realized I missed my kids. There is something endearing about them.

The week I got back from Conference was a bit weird. I came to school Tuesday, but there was no school Wednesday or Thursday because of School Picnic and School Foundation Day, respectively. I had to put together a "throw away" lesson of sorts for my Tuesday classes. On Wednesday, the 17th, I went to Gwangju's Family Land with the first and third years. Mr. Cho is a homeroom teacher for a first year class so he invited me along. My co-teacher, Mr. Lee isn't a homeroom teacher so I wouldn't have gone otherwise (I would have just had the day off).

So, here are some notes/mentions about the School Picnic:
-The first and third years went to Family Land in Gwangju, an "amusement park". I say "amusement park" in quotes because it's actually like a carnival. It's small as heck and the rides are not at all exhilarating. It really is like a kiddie park.
-The second years went to Yeosu, where the World Expo was held but it was already over so the kids went to the aquarium and stuff. I asked them how it was but most of them thought it was rather boring.
-I was on the bus with Mr. Cho's homeroom class but when I got to the park, I mostly hung out with my third year students since I don't teach the first graders.
-The weather was BRUTAL when we first got there. It was super windy, gray, rainy, and cold. I was only wearing a long sleeve tee and jeans so I was freezing. Luckily my host mom gave me a poncho and that gave me some wind protection.
-The people handed out wristbands to the students and the teachers were supposed to get these tickets where you can go on three rides. The teachers weren't going to go on any rides so they were going to give all their tickets to me. That wasn't necessary since one of the people who were putting wristbands on the kids came up to me and put a wristband on me since I look like a student. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing. I guess I look like I'm 16...
-At first, I was with the teachers and then they were like, "Go play!" since I was going to go on rides (or so I thought when I still imagined it was an amusement park) so they left me alone. So I wandered by myself for a little bit. Then I would see some kids and they would say hi but it didn't seem like they wanted me to join them. I felt kinda out of place for a bit since I was wandering around for a bit by myself. The thing is, I would see kids who like me (I think) and they would be really excited to see me and say hi and stuff but that's as far as the conversation would really go. I finally found three first year students who always come to my desk to visit and asked if I could wait in line with them for the ride. It was a pretty long line so I ended up walking up and down the line to talk with all of my students. So I realized in that line, my kids like me and want to spend time with me (again, I think) but their English is so limited that they don't can't really have a deep conversation with me. I would ask a few simple questions but didn't want to make them feel like it was an interview. Otherwise, I just stood with them. I was closer to the front of the line and the guy was asking if anyone wanted to sit in the middle (most people wanted to sit on the sides; it was a ship ride that went back and forth). A few of my third year girls were sitting in the middle and yelled at me in the line to join them. So I left my first years and cut the rest of the line. I was the last one walking up the walkway so all my students saw me. I could hear them ooh-ing and ah-ing in the background since I don't think any other teachers have gone on rides with them before. I think they were impressed haha. So I sat with my girls on the ride and it was fun. This is how I know they like me and want to spend time with me. But then right after the ride, they were like, "Bye Teacher!" and peaced out to the next ride. That made me sad. Anyway, I know my students enjoyed my company but they just didn't have much to say.
-Around noon, I went to a building where I was to meet up with all the other teachers for lunch (it was a packed lunch from the school--hence the "school picnic day" part). Afterwards, the teachers lounged about and told me to go back and ride some more "rides" (again, these were kiddies rides, at best). When I was leaving the building, I heard my name being called and I turned to find some other third year girls. They asked me to go on a ride with them (another clue they like me!). I joined them and it was a repeat of the day--I walked the line and chatted with students who were all excited to see me, went on the ride (kids were shocked I was going on a ride), etc. Afterwards, those girls also left me for another ride and I found another group of my girls who wanted me to join them. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

-I realized my girls were a lot more "welcoming" of me into their groups for the rides. This wasn't always true though. I found a group of my boys from the 3-3 class (the class who gave me hell the first month and called me "chicken" at least 100 times a day, until I made friends with the popular boys in the class and now they are GREAT) and I loved hanging out with them. I bunch of them whom I thought didn't like me were actually were excited to see me and chatted with me. Granted, they weren't deep life-changing talks, but it was just nice to see that they actually like me.

-There were a few schools there for their "school picnics" too so I had to seek out my students. They're pretty easy to spot since all my girls and boys have short hair (mandatory). Regardless, I know all of their faces now from class anyway.
-It turned out to be a sunny and beautiful day after a few hours so it wasn't too miserable.
-There was almost NO crowd at Family Land except for the schools. There was a show and there were 5 people in the seats watching. It was almost completely empty. To be honest, it was a bit comical to me.

-The day was fun. It ended well. I saw my kids outside of school, out of their uniforms, and they saw a fun side of me (outside of class and gym). I also realize they like me, or at least there is evidence to prove it.

The next day, Thursday, October 18th was the school's Foundation Day so we also had the day off. When I was at school chapel the week prior to this, I sat down to a teacher who bust out in English. His English wasn't spectacular but we made some conversation. He asked me if I liked trekking (hiking) and I said I did so he invited me to go hiking with him and a bunch of the male teachers on the 18th. Apparently Mr. Cho was in charge of it (go figure). Dan actually told me that Mr. Cho is the cool kid on the block and he's really funny; I guess I share the office with one of the popular teachers.
Anyway, here are some highlights from our hike up 천관산:
-There were 7 male teachers and me. Mr. Cho and Mr. Lee were among the male teachers. The rest were random teachers that I have seen and not seen before. All were sweet though and really inviting as I joined them for the day. -The hike was supposedly gonna take 45 minutes (according to Mr. Cho) so I thought it'd be an easy, short hike. It took 3 hours or so to get to the peak. I'm not complaining since it was fun for me but I definitely think they need to recalculate things in Korea. -It was a gorgeous, cloud-less, clear day so we could see tons of mountains and islands in the distance. It was beautiful.

-At the top, we ate lunch, which is what most Koreans do when they hike. The men had packed kimbap (what they always eat at the top of a mountain), and a bunch of other food, and soju (alcohol is necessary too).

-I realized on this hike that my co-teacher Mr. Lee is kinda the one all the other kids on the block (in this case, the teachers) make fun of. He's the kids everyone bullies but still loves. It's a odd observation since Mr. Cho is the popular kid and I talk to both of them often since they're my English co-teachers.
-After we reached the bottom, I was asked if I wanted to go to the sauna. Apparently, they always go to the spa after a hiking trip but they wanted to make sure it was okay with me since I was the only female and would be hanging out by myself. I told them I'd be down and off to the spa we went. The 7 men went off to do their own thing and I relaxed by myself...next to ajummas. -When we got back, I was told we would have dinner and other teachers would join us. They failed to mention that it would be only male teachers to join us. Dinner was delicious regardless though (we had duck). Long story short, it was a day full of men and me. I must say though, 정 was definitely built. I feel a deep connection to the guys I hiked with.

I taught classes on Friday but all the kids were antsy since they hadn't had school for two days and it was the weekend the next day. I saw my competition kids for the last time. So since the last post, I was training one student from each grade for an English speaking competition in Mokpo. I interviewed all the kids and got to select a kid from each grade to represent their class and our school at this competition. The competition was held on Saturday, October 20th at Yudalsan Middle School. I was planning on going to cheer on my kids so I was gonna stay in Mokpo for the weekend. It worked out perfectly since a bunch of people came to Mokpo that weekend. A bunch of the Gwangju and Naju ETAs were actually judges for the competition and Maggie came down from Hwacheon to visit us. Anyway, I met up with my competition kids in the mornings and helped prep them for the competition. That Friday was the last time I would see them and I was kinda nervous for them. Mr. Lee was the "supervisor" or main English teacher contact for our school so he was also going; he picked me up in the morning and we drove there together. I saw my kids in the morning and gave them last minute tips and a custard cake for luck. Once the opening ceremony was over, the kids were ushered into the main building and none of us were allowed to go in with them. So I told Mr. Lee I would go get treat him to coffee. Long story short, we built a lot of 정 that day. Mr. Lee actually spent a month in Michigan, at University of Michigan on the Ann Arbor campus in 2004. He was there for an English conference for Korean teachers (no joke). It's a small world. He also told me about his family (awkward situation since he said there were some marital problems going on), and random other things. I felt like I got to know him a lot better as a person which is helpful in understanding him as a co-teacher. After lunch, he went to school and I met up with Maggie. My plan was to go home around 2pm since our family had a promise at 3:30 with the neighbors (at least that's what my dad said the night prior). I get a call from Mr. Lee around 10:30am, after hanging out with Maggie for about half an hour, saying that my family said I didn't have to attend the promise. He then asked if I had lunch plans and I said I didn't, so he said we would get lunch together. I didn't think it was too weird since he's my co-teacher but I thought we had already spent a lot of time together in the morning so I was running out of small talk and questions to ask. He drove us to a beef place where we had raw beef (it was delicious) and when I thought we were done, he asked me if I was still hungry and we ordered a grilled beef dish. I had already set in my mind that I was going to pay since I haven't really done anything super special for him as my co-teacher. The bill was HELLA expensive--65,000 won. That's about $30 per person. I was shocked but tried not to give it away. It's a one time deal so it's fine. Like I said, 정 was built so that's all that matters. Anyway, Saturday was a rather interesting day. The competition ended up being awesome. My kids were texting me throughout the day, before they went to tell me what order they would be going in, and after they went to tell me the topic and how they did. All three of them thought they didn't do well. They were wrong. The results came out the following Wednesday. My first grader got bronze. My second grader got gold. My third grader got silver. I was and still am very proud of them!

On Sunday, Tracey and I went with Maggie to Gwangju. From there, she was heading home. Tracey and I went to the Biennale. It was actually really interesting since we got an English tour (for the two of us) and so we actually understood a lot of the art that was being portrayed--which is rare when it comes to modern art since it's so abstract sometimes. We also went back to the frozen yougart waffle place we went to the first time. We were hoping to get some delicious froyo waffles. The problem was, the place stopped selling froyo. We were SO disappointed. It put a damper on our entire day but at least now we know...

I got sick that following week (last week). It's been getting chilly in Mokpo so I caught a cold. Luckily, I went to sleep at 9pm one night and got up at 8am (on a day I was teaching late so I was going into school late). It was a hibernation night but it was needed.

This past weekend, I went to Busan with Tracey. The Busan Fireworks Festival was going to be held on Saturday and we wanted to see that. Tracey and I got in on Friday; she was staying at Payal's and I was at Hilary's. We went shopping in Nampo on Saturday and I must say, I went a little overboard but I don't feel guilty at all. I work really hard for my money--those kids give me a run for my money. I got a leather jacket from Zara (best purchase), a really cute top from H&M, a dress from H&M, a headband, bow clip, and a loose cute top from a smaller shop on the street. I was really happy--retail therapy works. We were planning on hitting up the fireworks after shopping on Saturday. Problem was, it was POURING like none other. While we were in H&M, we found out that the fireworks were cancelled for the night and would be held on Sunday night instead so we wouldn't be able to see them. It was a tad disappointing but I know we would have been miserable if we had stood in that thunderstorm watching fireworks. Regardless, I was really happy with all my purchases so it was a trip well spent. We also met up with everyone who was in Busan (Kathy, Katelyn, Jason, and the Busan ETAs--Payal, Hilary, Monica, Amy Liang, Daniel, Frank). On Sunday, Payal, Hilary, Tracey, and I spent the morning with Hilary's family at a mountain park-thing. Then we went to Costco and picked up candy for our kids for Halloween. It was glorious at Costco--seeing familiar items, tons of American products, etc. It was really nice. Then Tracey and I headed to the bus station. It was a huge traveling weekend for people so Tracey and I couldn't get on the same bus. I got back to Gwangju about an hour after her but we went back to Mokpo together. I got home pretty late, around 11pm, but it was a fun weekend.

That brings me up to today. Now, I found out last week that I will be observed by parents tomorrow for two of my classes, 2-3 and 3-1. I am terrified. Class 2-3 is my ABSOLUTE worst class ever. I would say that 2/3 of the kids in that class do not listen to me, not respect me in any shape or form. I have no idea how tomorrow will go. The other teachers are freaking out too. Mr. Cho asked me to review his lesson plan and I've been asked for tips from all the English teachers about different methods to use and such. I don't think they realize that I'm not certified in teaching... regardless, I'm nervous. My host mom is going to observe my host brother's class tomorrow but she said she would come to my class and observe me too. That just makes things worse. She also told me to dress pretty tomorrow. Oh gosh. I hope it goes well--I'm teaching Conditionals...

So now that I'm caught up on the Korea stuff... it's time to address the elephant in the room (or at least the elephant in my room). My grandpa passed away last week (a little ironic since I did a bucket list lesson with my kids last week...) He was pretty old and I saw it coming for a while now. I actually remember when I was visiting him this past summer before I left for Korea, I thought that it would be the last time I would see him alive. I wasn't wrong. I blogged about it and that memory has still stuck with me. I just had a feeling it was the last time. I was hoping it wouldn't be but reality set in. So I told my co-teacher about it because I wanted to go home but I only got Thursday and Friday off. I would have flown home Wednesday night and landed in New York Thursday morning. Then I would stay for the wake and the funeral (early Saturday) and then have to fly immediately back to make it back to Mokpo Sunday night. My mom and dad both told me not to come. They said it was really expensive and the travel time was long. My mom told me that grandpa understood since she had talked to him about it before he passed. He knew I was going to be in Korea for the year and even he knew there was a possibility of his passing while I was abroad. So... I stayed. I did my own grieving and I don't feel guilty for not going. My grandpa knew I loved him. I did my best to give him all the respect he deserved while he was on this earth and spent a lot of time with him. My grandpa was a great man. I like to think he lived a full life and had a lot of friends. There were a lot of people at his wake, according to my brother. He will be greatly missed.

RIP Grandpa 10-21-12

Korean Adventures

It's 3am and I'm not fully coherent so my writing for this blog might be really bad... please excuse spelling and grammar issues. I may not make any sense...

I haven't been the most diligent about my blogging unfortunately...

Since the last post, there have been a few happenings but I'll just ramble per usual.

Three Saturdays ago, on September 22nd, I went to Seoul. I was flying solo and took the slow train into Yongsan since I wasn't in a huge rush. The reason I went to Seoul was for a water rafting and bungee jumping adventure with some other ETAs on Sunday. I met up with some of the ETAs when I got in and settled into the Pencil Hostel Guesthouse (the same one I was at for Jet's birthday). After we got dinner, Alanna and I split from the rest of the ETA group to meet with Katelyn and Jason who had just gotten into Seoul. The rest of the group went to Namsam Tower (Seoul Tower) but since I had been before, the four of us went to Cheonggyecheon river in the middle of downtown. We were there pretty late, around 11pm or so but it was beautifully lit up. We called it an early night since we had to be up around 6:30am for rafting on Sunday so we headed back to the hostel around 1am. On Sunday, we went river rafting and bungee jumping in a smaller city about two hours north of Seoul. It was really nice to just hang out with some other ETAs I haven't seen in a while in a different environment. I was the second person to jump off the bridge for bungee jumping and it was kinda nerve wracking. It's different than sky diving, and for some reason, it felt scarier. I think it's because I went tandem when I was skydiving so if my parachute didn't work, there was a backup parachute. For bungee jumping, there's only one cord. If it breaks, it breaks. Plus, I'm jumping off by myself, which is just... insane. So I wanted a walking start before I jumped off so I tried to mentally prepare myself. Then I screamed, "Flying squirrel!" and did a sprawling eagle. I screamed like there was no other. It only lasted a few seconds but my senses were overloaded by the feeling of free falling, the sights around me, etc. It was nice--I would do it again. I watched a few of the other ETAs jump too but then I had to leave on my own back to Seoul so I would catch my KTX (fast train) back to Mokpo. I got to the train in the nick of time and it was pretty crowded. Interestingly enough, a waygook (foreigner) sat down next to me. Because I'm Asian and in Korea, it's not always the most obvious that I'm also a foreigner. So I took the liberty to start the conversation by asking him where he was from. I just wanted to make it known right off the bat that I could speak fluent English and was friendly enough to have a conversation with. Cutting to the chase, he actually plays soccer with Liam, the only male ETA in Mokpo out of seven of us. Small world indeed. We chatted for the entire four hours, which was not something I expected to do. I thought we would make some small talk before doing our own thing, which meant sleeping for me, but it was a solid conversation. He offered me a hiking bag which was left at his apartment from the guy who lived there previously. Long story short, I ended up going over to his apartment a few days later with Liam and Robyn to pick it up. It's actually a really sweet hiking bag but it's HUGE. It's something you can probably use for a month hike so you can imagine how intense it looks.

Two weeks ago, my kids had their midterm exams on Thursday, September 27th and Friday, September 28th so I had two days off. I asked my co-teacher, Mr. Lee if I could not go into school but the Vice Principal wanted me to go into school in the morning to insa (bow/greet) him before leaving. -_-' That was really frustrating. So I couldn't really travel for those two days. I was planning on staying home that weekend because it was Chuseok weekend, which is Korean Thanksgiving weekend. Like America, families spend time together during this holiday so I wanted to be at home from Saturday through the holiday, at least. So I decided to make a day trip to Naju on Thursday. I went into school around 8am and greeted the Vice Principal. Then another English teacher told me I got the okay not to go in for Friday but it was too late to make any real travel plans for a day. So after wishing my students luck on their midterms (I popped my head into some of the classrooms), I left the building and headed for the bus terminal. The ride to Naju was really short--less than an hour. May and Jason met me at the Naju bus terminal and we did some random touring/walking around Naju. It's a cute, quaint little town. It's definitely bigger than Goesan and it's cutesy. I ate lunch with the Naju crew minus Hana since she was the only one teaching that morning and we were going to visit her at her school later anyway. I got to take in some Naju sights before heading out to Hana's school. She teaches at a vocational high school so her kids are all learning technical skills for a real job after they graduate. These are the kids who don't want to or can't go to college because of their scores in Middle School so they decide early on they are going to learn vocational skills. Hana did a lesson based on us since four of us (me, Courtney, May, and Tyler) visited her school. We interacted with the kids, answered questions, etc. Her classes were pretty good but she thinks its because she had visitors in the room, which is really valid. After two classes, we walked around the temple that's nearby her school. I didn't get to stay the entire day since I volunteer with North Korean defectors on a weekly basis so I left around 4:30pm to make my 6:30pm commitment. I really like the Naju crew so it was nice to see them for a bit. For my off day on Friday, I just hung out around the house. I did work on the dining room table and spent with time with my host mom. We didn't talk a lot but were just in each others' presence.

Chuseok weekend (September 29-30) was fun. On Friday night, both my host sisters came home. On Saturday morning, we packed up and went to Jangheung, which is east of Mokpo, but still in the same province, Jellonam-do. My host family got a pension with my mom's side of the family. There was my host grandmom, my two host uncles, and one of the uncle's wife's brother and family. The pension was beautiful. The pension itself was really nice. Then outside, the landscaping was really well done. There was a basketball hoop with a soccer-tennis court, a huge pond, pretty large amounts of grass to play, and even a huge fencing where there were roosters and dogs. My host family, host grandmother, and host uncles stayed in one house. My host uncle's wife's brother and family stayed in the pension a few houses over. We just hung out and enjoyed the weather on Saturday. I played soccer with my host brother for a bit and played with the toddler (my host uncle's son). He's kinda spoiled since he's really cute and everyone dotes on him so I don't like to play with him all that much. He likes to hit and stuff, which I don't tolerate but everyone else does because they think it's cute and he'll grow out of that phase (I disagree). Away from the tangent... Saturday was just a relaxing day. My host dad and host uncle started the grill and we had Korean BBQ for dinner. There was quite a bunch of meat and they even grilled really large shrimps. So just to clarify--there are two host uncles on my mom's side. There's the one who talked to me about Dokdo when he was drunk that first time; he is the same one who has the son I just mentioned who is really cute but spoiled. That uncle was with us the entire time. My other host uncle goes by "Khal" (his English name I think); he's the one with really good English. Khal arrived much later in the night since he was working. He's a travel tour guide so he's been all over the world--Europe, Australia, Phillipines, Taiwan, etc, and most of the other Asian countries. That's why his English is decent. When Khal arrived, the grill got started up again so he could eat. All the men and women gathered at the table for round 2 of dinner. Khal told me to eat and drink with them so I obliged. I chatted a few times with whoever talked to me but mainly, I just kept eating the food on the table. My dad was grilling nonstop. I also talked to the kids (there were like 5 of them running around) since the parents kept wanting them to practice their English with me. I also found out that my host family really likes me. Khal turned and asked me sometime during the night why the entire family likes me. He said that the family all speaks highly of me and thinks I have a good personality. He wanted to know why. It was a compliment although it was worded in a weird way. It was flattering to know they like me though. Anyway, the last people left drinking were the men (host dad, both host uncles, and host uncle's brother-in-law) and me. By midnight, my mom came out and told my dad it was time for me to go to bed. Good timing too since I had quite a bit of soju. I was trying to show the men that I could handle it and hang out with them. In the morning, my host uncles were sprawled out on the floor in really funny positions. Overall, it was a fun time.
On Sunday, we ate ramen for breakfast and then lounged about some more before it was time to go. We left the pension around 1pm and headed to a random road off a main road. We got out and did a little bit of bush wacking before stopping before two mounds. It was my host grandma's parents' burial site. Apparently, it's tradition to visit dead relatives during Korean Thanksgiving. I didn't have a problem with it so I just followed everyone else. We did individual short prayers and then headed back to the car. The next stop was the most interesting. I was told we were going to another burial site but the cemetery we ended up at was huge. Traffic itself took an hour to get in. Cars were lined up to go to the funeral. I know this because the path we were on was the entrance leading into the actual burial site. Everyone was going to pay respects to the dead. So I got out of the car, expecting to go pay respects to other people who had passed away in the family. Khal turns to me and says, "My father and son are buried here." I just nodded my head without saying anything because I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly. We walked over to these huge memorial stone things where a person's name, dates of life, picture, etc are on a huge wall plague thing. Sure enough, there were the names of Khal and my host mom's dad as well as Khal's soon. The date of death was the same for both so I knew something must have happened that day. We lined up again and did individual short prayers but this one was much heavier and longer. I think it's horrible when a parent has to bury their child; no one should have to suffer through that. I saw Khal's shoulders moving up and down and I knew he was crying. One of my host sisters and my host uncle's daughter also started to cry. Khal's dad and son passed away only a little over a year ago so it's still very much fresh. I stayed quiet because it was a very personal and private moment for the family. I wasn't sure what I was doing there and I felt like I was intruding on a moment for them. I felt like I was in an especially odd situation because Khal turned to me and asked if his son was handsome. He also commented about his son's English ability and said that he was really good and spoke like a native speaker. He was speaking directly to me because it was all in English. I honestly just didn't know how to respond. I waited until people were doing their own things to tell him I was sorry for his loss. I was pretty bummed after this. The weird part is that there were food cart things around the area. People were buying ice cream, hot dogs, fried food, etc. It felt so... commercialized. Burial sites are really respected in America but the standards are so different here. We left some time after and I asked my host family in the car what happened to Khal's soon. Apparently there was a car accident. Khal's father and son were on a motorcycle when they got hit by a car (I assume). All I know is that there was an accident. It felt pretty depressing after that--at least for me. My family headed back to Mokpo but to the bridge. We were going to try to get to one of the islands where my host dad grew up. Unfortunately, there was no ferries back to the mainland that night so we decided against it. We stopped by a restaurant for food and then headed home. I kind of wasted away the rest of my Sunday and even half of my Monday (still no school for Chuseok) watching the Korean drama, "Secret Garden," which was really fantastic.
I slept in on Monday and hung out around the house until 5pm. Afterwards, I did some lesson planning and other work before I walked around Mokpo for a bit. I felt a bit stuffy since I was indoors all day.

Tuesday, October 2nd, was an interesting day. Our school also had Wednesday, October 3rd off for Korean Foundation Day, so most of the students (and me) were peeved that we had to go into school for one day in the middle of the two holidays. Regardless, I got through class and then a fun lesson on Taylor Swift, which my boys actually seemed to like.

On Wednesday, for Korean Foundation Day, I hung out with Liam and Lizzie in the afternoon before meeting up with the rest of the ETAs. We hiked up Yudalson and it was actually really beautiful. If you look at one side, it's all ocean. But if you turn your head and look at the other side, you can see a thriving city. It's not too hard of a hike up Yudalson and it's right in Mokpo so it was nice to finally be able to climb it. I don't think my host family is really into hiking, which is a shame. After the hike up, we stopped by a coffee shop and chatted until we met up with the rest of the ETAs. We hung out in typical Mokpo fashion.

After class on Friday, October 5th, Tracey and I went to the bus station directly from school. We were headed for Busan for the International Film Festival (BIFF). Kathy, Amy T, Tracey, Stephanie, Jet, Jonathan, and I got a love motel room together right on Haeundae Beach. It was actually really nice. The fact that I got to see so many ETAs at once was also really overwhelming. While I spent most of my time with the people I stayed with, I saw so many other ETAs in passing. Most people showed up for BIFF. I watched four movies total--three on Saturday, and one on Sunday. I waited in line in the early morning with the same people for a few hours; it ended up being worth it. I watched "Go Grandriders" (Taiwanese), "Argo" (American), "The Woman Who Brushed Her Tears" (Macedonian), and "Beasts of the Southern Wild" (American). Every movie, with the exception of "The Woman Who Brushed Her Tears" was really interesting. I also tried to rally and go out at night since we were in Busan but that only really happened on Saturday night since we were all passing out on Friday night after getting in.

OKAY. So now that I'm caught up on the big things I've done, there are a lot of things that have happened in school and emotions that I've been feeling to chat about...

About my school/kids:

(This paragraph was started about two weeks ago so it does not stand true now--I will explain in the next paragraph) I love my Tuesday Conversation Class and my Wednesday Advanced Students Class. I can not say the same about my Thursday Conversation Class. In fact, they make me want to pull my hair out sometimes. Most of them always have their cell phones out and are using them. I took away four cell phones last class. Then there are days when they just face plant on top of the desk and are gone for the entire class. Last class, no one spoke. I thought I had a fun lesson too--I had an "Let's go on an adventure" lesson with pictures of dragons, robots, whales, etc. I got nothing from the kids; I think it was worse than pulling teeth actually. I also was pretty ashamed at the end because I was tired from the long day and the lack of cooperation from the kids that I half yelled at the kids at the end. It boiled over because there were three girls that would't let me take their picture with their name tags. It took about 10 minutes to get them to let me do it.

So now things have changed. I love both of my club classes. The numbers have dwindled significantly so I have a lot more facetime with each student and get to try fun lesson plans with them. So apparently my club classes are voluntary and no one told me either. So I had a few kids who completely dropped out of the extra club classes. It wasn't just English they were leaving, they were leading Math, History, etc. The kids who have stayed are the ones who pay attention and are actually there to learn. In other words, I really like those kids now.

I'm going to Gyeongju for the ETA Fall Conference in the morning. It's from today (Friday) until Monday so it'll be a nice break from teaching. I also get to see all 120-something ETAs all together again so it'll be a lot of fun.

Settled Into a Teacher's Life

So I feel like I'm getting into a regular routine now:
6:45am Wake up and get ready
7:20am Eat breakfast with brother and/or dad
7?42am Leave apartment for school and pick up brother's friend along the way
7:55am Arrive at school and prepare for the day
8:40am-Noon Teach classes, go to gym with my students, lesson plan, etc
Noon-1pm Lunch
1:10pm-3:55pm Teach classes, go to gym with my students, lesson plan, etc
4:15-5pm Teach conversation club class or advanced club class
5pm Leave school with Tracey (on certain days) for Hue Spozone gym
6pm Leave Hue Spozone for piano academy
6pm-7pm Piano lesson and practice
7pm Head home for dinner with dad (when he's home)
7pm-10pm Hang out with my family in living room, random stuff
10pm Go to room since brother has English webcam tutoring and computer is in living room
10pm-midnight Chat and videocam with friends, read news, blog, etc. in room and sleep
REPEAT.

So even though things have gotten into routine now, a lot has happened since the last blog update. Nothing big but it's the small things in life that build up that create the big life changes anyway...

I go to the gymnasium almost everyday to visit and play with my students when I'm not teaching a class or lesson planning. I have the semester class schedule that has my particular classes but it also has the schedule for which classes are at Physical Education class during the day. I really want to develop relationships with my students and it doesn't seem to be happening in my regular classes so I need to make an effort outside of class. I'm always dressed in my normal teaching attire so I have limited choices in the activities I can engage in. I want to play soccer with the boys sometimes but the school field is made of dirt, not grass. It's not appealing to my skirts or pants, especially when I still have classes to teach afterwards.

I play a lot of basketball because it's simple enough and there are hoops in the gym. The boys are the only ones who play so I ball with them. The girls play this dodgeball-like game where your team is in a rectangle across from the other team, who are also in a rectangle. There's one ball and it is like dodgeball in that you are trying to hit someone on the other team. The thing is, there are also your team members on the outside of the opposing team's rectangle. You can pass the ball to them and they can hit the other team too. So if you're in the rectangle, you are surrounded on all four sides by the other team. I've play this game with my girl classes a few times. So when I'm at the gym, it's either hit or miss. If it's a class that likes me, they give off a really positive vibe when I come in and say hi and notice me. Then there are classes that don't like me and they just ignore me. The first few times I went to gym, it was kind of awkward too. I insa-ed to all the gym teachers first and then walked around to see my students. I got a lot of questions about why I was there from students the first time a class saw me. None of the gym teachers speak English so there's a lot of hang motions and speaking with broken Korean/English. I'e also used some of the students with better English ability to translate, which is kind of amusing. I've been keeping track of which classes I see at gym too so I know for a fact that all my classes have seen me at least once outside of class. I feel like it's starting to work in the sense that my students are noticing I'm there and realizing that I want to spend time with them and get to know them; my students have asked me if I like sports and have said things like, "Teacher, I heard you are good at basketball."

I am officially teaching 20 (or 21 depending on how you look at it) hours per week at school. I teach 15 regular classes, 2 conversation club classes (Tuesday/Thursday) and 1 advanced third year club class (Wednesday). I have about 35 students in each regular class, 18 students in my Tuesday conversation class, 15 students in my Thursday conversation class, and 13 in my Advanced class. I am in love with my Advanced club kids. They are all pretty good at English and are really sweet. I had some bad first impressions of some of them but they're all great and sweet to me now. I know they like me because Mr. Cho, who usually teaches them told me they told me they enjoy my class and like me. A few of them have also stepped up in class and tried to help me out by yelling at the class to quiet down when they get loud or explaining directions in Korean when no one else in the class understands. I've taught my Advanced kids three times already. They had to take an English test to get into the Advanced club class. They are in different third year homerooms but it's a good mix of boys and girls. I more recently started teaching the Tuesday and Thursday conversation club classes. My Tuesday class has far more girls while the Thursday class has a lot of boys. My Tuesday and Thursday conversation club class has students from each second year homeroom class but they are not necessarily Advanced or Intermediate English level students. There's a pretty big range. In my Thursday class, I have about four students with a very low English ability. So far, I really like my Tuesday club class. They are really funny and just sweet kids. One of my favorite boy students is in the class. He always drops a full 90 insa (it's hilarious) when he sees me and is just is really sweet. My Thursday club class is a different story. There's still a lot of disrespect in the classroom in that they talk over me, ignore me, etc. It's really frustrating especially because I am trying to do more fun things in the club classes since they are a smaller class size. I am also really chill and lax in my all afterschool classes since I assume they are there for extra learning and can have a little more room to breathe than in my normal class. I let them talk when they are doing work as long as they are paying attention when I'm talking and giving instructions. My Thursday club class can't even grant me that small request. I'm hoping that I'll get through to them but it's so hard when a few of them can't even understand me when I ask what their name is.

I started learning piano! This is something I'm really excited about. My co-teacher Mr. Lee found a piano academy for me, which is something I really wanted to do. It's funny since the piano instructor is actually the mother of two of my students, the son is in my advanced club class and the daughter is one of my high level 2nd year students. My instructor's English is almost nonexistent but she's a really sweet woman and she gets the point across. The original price was set at 90,000 won (less than $90) a month, which is a great price. I go Monday-Friday for an hour of lesson/practice. The first real day I went in, I used a lot of broken Korean and hand motions to ask for potentially a discount. I didn't have a set price in mind but she wrote down 50,000 won in my book and I was shocked at the discount. I was expecting to pay maybe 70,000 won but she went above and beyond. So far, I've learned a lot but that's not saying much since I'm starting from scratch. Regardless, I'm stoked. I've always wanted to learn to play an instrument and never really had an opportunity until now. I can check play an instrument off my bucket list now. I want to get decent by the time I leave Korea so I can buy a keyboard back in America and play when I want to. At the speed I'm learning and playing, I have no doubt it can happen. Regardless, let's keep fingers crossed.

I have now been to a wedding, memorial, and funeral in Korea. The wedding was the first weekend I got to Mokpo. The memorial and funeral were two weekends ago. The memorial was for my host mom's father who passed away last year and the funeral was for my host dad's brother's wife's dad. Both were interesting experiences. For the memorial, we went to my host mom's brother's house (the uncle I drank with who got drunk and told me about Dokdo and how much he hates Japanese people) and there was my host mom's mom and other family members. There was a lot of food that was prepared and some church leaders came by. There was some hymn singing, a passage reading, and the church pastor (maybe) led a short message. Afterwards, we ate. That was about it. For the funeral, we went to a funeral place and the immediate family of the deceased sat us down with a bunch of food. I didn't see the body or anything and I think it was in a separate room where you could go in and pay your respects. Everything here is very food orientated, which is similar to Chinese culture in some ways. I also went fishing with my family. We went to one of the small islands off Mokpo and my dad, brother, and I did some fishing. My mom and sisters sat in the car...

Back to teaching and my students, since they are the biggest part of my life here. I've noticed that the teachers' relationships with students are so different compared to America. While there's the physical aspect of it first of all. There's corporal punishment, even though it's now illegal, as well as other forms of touching. For example, when playing ball with one of my classes, one of my male students wrapped his arms around mine when I was defending him, in an effort to stop me from blocking another student's shot. I'm assuming he did it because it's somewhat appropriate in Korea but it's not something I would have done to any of my teachers growing up. I never touched any of my teachers, not a pat on the back, nothing. In general, there's just less personal space here in Korea so maybe that's why it's more appropriate here. Also, teachers can hang out with their students outside of class. That's BIZARRE in America. If that happened in America, it was in a group setting, never one-on-one with a student and it never occurs between opposite genders. Here, it would be perfectly acceptable for me to go get ice cream or hang out with any of my students one-on-one, even a male student. There's no judgement really, no thinking that someone else beyond the teacher-student relationship is going on. There's also a lot more teacher power here than in America I think. What I mean is that in America, students seem to have a lot more "power" in the sense that they can complain to their parents about something and the next thing you know, the school is called and the teacher is on suspension for saying something politically insensitive, punishing a student, etc. How a teacher talks to a call or treats a student is never really put into question here. It's just very different.

Now that I've taught my third lesson and am about four weeks in, I'm getting a better feel of these students. I'm torn because I want quiet in the classroom when I'm teaching but I remember what it's like to be in middle school. I used to turn around and whisper something to a friend behind me. I remember chit chatting. As a teacher now, I'm on the opposite side. In the front of the classroom, you really can see every student, everything. Also, I know that none of my students are "bad" kids. Every single one of them has a a good heart (I'm staying optimistic) but they can just be rowdy at times. So I question what's better: for the class to be quiet and act like they are paying attention even though some of them aren't listening but are zoning out OR for the class to be loud and ruly and engaged in the material even though I know some of them are just chit chatting with their friends and still not listening or learning? What do I do? I have been so focused lately on classroom management and ensuring the students know I am in control of the classroom and demanding respect, I am scared that I've lost perspective on everything. I hate the chitchatting in the back of my classroom and I will call it out while teaching. But is that the best tactic? Does utter silence in the classroom mean they're actually paying attention and learning? On the flip side, when the class is loud, there are always chitchatters included in this who I know are not even paying attention. I'm just trying to figure out a good middle ground to stand on.

My kids are pretty funny. I find myself laughing a lot in some of my classes. The boys generally have a lot more funny comments than the girls but I have a few girls that I think are pretty funny as well. Some of the students' introductions (on the back on their namecard) are quite comical as well. I know a lot of my students have a sense of humor so I want them to know I enjoy it by laughing in class when I see it. I think because of this, a few of my classes have become more receptive to me. I tried to use this with Class 3-3, the super rowdy class on Wednesday. I tried to be a little bit looser with them and even went along with one of their jokes but then asked them to be serious for a section of my lesson. That actually seemed to work. But I feel like every week is different for each class. Last week, some of my classes that are usually pretty good and receptive to learning were really rowdy and not engaged. I guess I just have to try to be sympathetic to my students. They are kids and they study all day. I have to remember they are people. It's crazy how much effect they have on me though. I invest in them so it's hard when they're not fully engaged.

There's a difference between Korean teachers and American teachers, I've noticed. There's a reason my kids have such an emotional impact on me. If I have a few really rowdy, disrespectful classes in a row, I have no energy and have a really draining day. For the Korean teachers, they seem unaffected by it. They don't attempt to make their lessons more interesting or engaging because their perspective is that the students who want to learn will learn. The students who want to pay attention are those who want to learn and thus will do so. Since the Korean education system is so test-focused, the students have an incentive to pay attention in order to do well on the test. Thus, the teachers don't have to try to make their lessons interesting; the students who want to do well will pay attention regardless (or try to, at least). When kids are acting up in class, Korean teachers will just send them outside as to not distract those who want to learn. I feel like it's the complete opposite in America. We have the whole "no child left behind" mindset and am focused on ensuring every student is learning. (NOTE: I understand this is not completely accurate since there are students who slip through the system and can't read, write, add, subtract, etc and are in high school.) But I would say for the most part, a lot of (good) teachers try to make sure each student is learning. I think teachers in America take things personally from their students. I think that's why I'm so invested in my classes and students. I think that's why I'm so drained after a long day with lots of rowdy classes. I'm so much more personally and emotionally invested in these kids.

So while some kids have grown warmer towards me, there are some that are still really disrespectful and some that are just plain scared of me. I remember one class where I told a student to go stand outside and he wasn't listening so I walked towards him to usher him to the door and he actually backed up from as if he was scared I would physically touch him and hit him. I was in a momentary state of shock from that; it just didn't occur to me that I might be actually scaring the students. On the other hand, there was a class that I made stay after a few minutes after class because they were talking all class and being disrespectful. There was one student in the back who stood up and was packing up his stuff. I walked up to him and told him to sit down. He asked why and said that it was his time now (they have 10 minutes between classes) and I couldn't hold him. I told him that because the class cut into my class time, I was going to cut into their time. He said I wasn't the principal. I then replied with the fact that I am the teacher of the classroom. He backed down but that is just one example of how disrespectful some of my students are. They like to challenge my authority. That was one of my boys. The girls are bad too though. In one of my classes, there was a girl sleeping so I told her to get up and do jumping jacks. She looked me up and down and glared at me. I'm being serious; she looked me UP AND DOWN. I remember thinking, "Oh HELL NO." HAHA. I think she'll probably hate me forever now since girls hold grudges and boys get over it but yeah--definite attitude and disrespect problems at my school. On a somewhat less obvious front, the girls do makeup and other beauty-related things in my class. One of my rules is Respect for the teacher and other students. Part of that is there should be no makeup, toys, or distractions. What I see, I take... forever. I have collected at least four mirrors, three combs, some lip sticks/balm/gloss, and one pimple extractor (yes I know it's disgusting). In one of my classes, I saw one of the girls using this on her friend next to it. IT WAS SO GROSS TO WATCH.

So since the English levels are so varied across the board in all my classes, I haven't had a chance to really engage the more advanced kids in each of my classes. So I had a class announcement where I told my students they could participate in an optional assignment where they get a notebook/journal for the class and write me a letter once a week. I would then correct their sentences and reply to them in the notebook. It will help with their English reading and writing. It's also a good way for me to get to know them better since I have so many students. I've approached a few of my students in each class that I think are a bit bored in class to encourage them to do the optional assignment.

Oh and and since my school is a Christian school, there are student and teacher worships I should attend. The students have one every month and the teachers have one every three months. Both were in complete Korean so I had no idea what was going on. The students from both the middle and high school fill the entire gymnasium; there are students sitting in the bleachers on the three sides on the second floor and students sitting on the floor of the gymnasium too. I got to see how scared my kids were of my Vice Principal at this event for the first time. Since then, I've realized how terrified they are of him. When he passes by my classes in the hallway, my students get silent. It's kinda funny to watch actually. Well, at the worship, he would stand up and point at students and when they noticed, they would completely shut up. It was kinda amusing to watch. He's a scary man when it comes to students' discipline but he's really nice to me and the other teachers. The teachers' worship was held in a room in one of the high school buildings. Tracey, two other new teachers, and I were introduced to the teachers at that session.

So now that I've talked a lot about school and my students, let's talk about my personal time. I went to Gwangju this weekend with most of the Mokpo crew. The real reason I went was to volunteer with and teach English to North Korean Defectors at a Hana Wellness Center on Saturday. Since it was Tracey's birthday on Friday, we decided to make it a party and stay for the night and celebrate in the city. We stayed overnight at Em's (our ETA mentor) apartment about 30 minutes outside of Gwangju. It was a lot of fun. We headed to Gwangju in the early afternoon and then met up with Katelyn and Jason. We got lunch and did some shopping before meeting up with Ben West. Then we split into two groups, the ones that were going to volunteer headed over while the other group did their own thing. We met up with Di Hoa at the Hana Center. There were four and a half people (I say a half because there was a little boy of seven who came with his sister Lucy) who showed up for English lessons. I worked with Lucy, a fourteen year old middle school girl who had really impressive English. She has better English than most of my students, almost on par with my advanced club class. I was really impressed. After volunteering, we went downtown with Di Hoa and met up with Sonia (a returner), the other group we split with earlier, and more additions including Hana, Jessica, Jayeon, etc. We had a lot of ETAs in one place, it was actually really great to see everyone. In a weird way, it felt like we could just pick up where we left off. It felt like we were just on a weekend getaway from orientation and Goesan. I didn't even think about teaching while I was with them. It's crazy because I really do feel like I'm living this double life where I'm a teacher and then live a different life outside of that. We did some walking and shopping downtown. I didn't get anything but then we got dinner.

Afterwards, some people had to leave but the rest of us went to this desert cafe. They have the best frozen yogurt and waffles. It was absolutely delicious. Everytime I go back to Gwangju, I will stop by for a waffle and frozen yogurt. Afterwards, we went to a bar and then eventually to a club. It was a lot of fun actually. When we got back to Em's place, it was around 2am. In the morning, we made breakfast and went to the only coffee shop in her town. She lives in a really small village, smaller than Goesan; it only has one main road. We headed back into Gwangju and Tracey and I split from the rest of the Mokpo crew since we were going to church before heading back home. They grabbed an earlier bus back. Tracey and I met Hana for church and then grabbed lunch before we went back to Mokpo. When I got back home, it was late afternoon and I just spent some time in the living room with the family. My sister 지은 didn't come back home this weekend but the rest of us were just chilling. My brother spent the weekend studying since he has an upcoming exam. I know it's going to be a quiet weekend coming up so I already made plans with a bunch of ETAs to go rafting and bungee jumping this Sunday in Seoul. Otherwise, I have to tiptoe around the house trying not to make any noise. That's no fun.

Today was another typhoon day if you can believe it. Typhoon Sanba hit today and it was a category 2 typhoon so it was supposed to be more intense than the one that hit two weeks ago. Honestly, to me, it felt similar if not weaker than the other one. Regardless, school was cancelled so I didn't have to go in. I just bummed around the house all day. I videochatted with a lot of family and friends though so I feel a little bit more validated.