Suffering

At church today, Pastor Scott talked about suffering and trials. It was based on James 1:1-4.
James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion:
Greetings.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

At YAF (Young Adult Fellowship) Sunday School afterwards, we talked about the passage and delve deeper into the passage. Dan brought up a question: how do we define suffering?

It was interesting as different perspectives came out and we went on to gain a better sense of why we go through trials. When you think of the term suffering, it seems so... extreme. 'Suffering' invokes an image of extreme pain and sorrow in my mind, 'trials' less so. When I think of suffering for the gospel, I think of those in underground churches in Asia, who are being persecuted for their faith. I think of lynchings and hangings. I think of burning at the stake. I think of the pain and suffering of Jesus, who died for our sins--my sins. Who literally had the weight of all the world's sins on his shoulders. But trials? I think of a puzzle, honestly. I think of a maze, something that can be beaten, something that is meant to be overcome.

Then Dan brought up the fact that there are two types of suffering. There's the suffering that comes from the consequences of our sin and the suffering that comes from a God-driven life.
1 Peter 2: 18-22
Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.
An example of the former would be where someone was greedy and bought up a bunch of property in 2002 to make a lot of money. Then when the housing bubble collapsed, that person went through a financial crisis and was struggling to make ends meet. Was that person's suffering a trial that would produce steadfastness? Or was that person's suffering a result of his greediness and sin? The latter suffering is one that comes from pursuing a lifestyle that is driven by conviction of faith. For example, when one shares the gospel with co-workers and gets mocked. That is a righteous suffering.

It definitely got me thinking more about the topic, especially since Jade brought up the point that there shouldn't be a comparison of suffering. Like sin, it's not fair to say that my lying is less of a sin than a murder. Sin is sin. Likewise, suffering is suffering. God looks down on my suffering and does not compare my suffering to someone else in Asia or Africa. He recognizes my suffering, no matter how insignificant it may be in the broad spectrum of things.

On a slightly different, yet somewhat related note, I'm starting to read "Kingdom Without Borders" by Miriam Adeney. Stephanie brought up a good point, in that I should do something useful with my idleness, for it is not good for man to lay idle for too long. As it relates to suffering, the book is about global Christianity and it will tell about the trials and suffering of my brothers and sisters in different countries as well as their blessings.

Bumming

I recognize that I am a huge bum whenever I go home to Florida. I wake up late, sleep later and yet accomplish little next to nothing. I mean, I have things to do. I can do more research into Kenya and about my social entrepreneurship idea, I can study hardcore Korean before I get to orientation, work on Synergy social media stuff, etc. Yet, I literally sit around all day, usually in my pajamas. I have to force myself to do something active; yesterday, I got changed just to go to WalMart to return my Redbox DVDs. That's what my life has come to. I have two college degrees from the University of Michigan and I watch movies all day. My regents should be proud.

I guess I should start by setting goals. That is the plan. Heck, writing in this blog takes too much effort and it requires me to set a goal to do it. That has to say something.

Break... Forever?

It still hasn't hit me yet--the fact that I won't be returning to Ann Arbor this Fall. Being at home in Florida is weird.

When people ask me questions and I refer to college, I keep answering as if I am returning and I'm still a current student. Even remarking that I'm a graduate sounds odd to me.

At church today, I saw one of the kids I used to TA for and he's in 8th grade now... he's grown up so fast! When I left for college at 18, I didn't realize I was leaving for good. When I come back home nowadays, it's for small bursts of time. I have never really come back and I don't plan on coming back either. It's a weird realization.

Reflection on Undergrad

I figured it was time to sit down, remember, and reflect on the past four years.

I graduated from University of Michigan on April 28th (officially). If I'm honest with myself, I have not kept up with a blog/journal/notebook in my twenty-two years of existence. There have been times when I have tried...and failed. Whenever I travel, I do a pretty decent job of recording all the events I attend, food I try, places I visit, etc. However, I never sit and think about what I've learned. Heck, I rarely let myself sit. I am go, go, go all the time. However, it's a new chapter in my life and what better time than now to recognize everything that has shaped and changed me during my time at UM.

Overall, I have no doubt I have grown and matured. I have a better sense of who I am, my values, my desires, my shortcomings, my fears, my failures.

I have grown to understand my faith in Jesus and my sin and weaknesses.
I have grown to understand how peoples' perception of who I am affects my decisions.
I have grown to understand the way in which I can encourage others and love them.
I have grown to understand when I need to be more patient and understanding of others.

As a Freshman, I had no idea how much I would change. I wasn't completely naive; I knew I would grow and change to become the woman I am today but I had no idea how much I would be shaped by my college experiences.

Most notable:
-Asian Intervarsity Christian Fellowship (AIVCF)
:Small groups: I was taught what it meant to be humble in bible studies. As a Freshman coming in, I remember thinking I knew everything. I would realize how foolish that was. It takes a lot of drive and ownership from all parties to build a "good" small group, one that truly feels like a family.
:Urbana09: I learned more about God's heart for missions and justice here. I was called to do missions here. I learned about righteous anger and how I can have that.
:Compelling Conferences: I built a stronger bond with individuals in my fellowship. I was trained here.
:Prayer Group: I have never been as vulnerable as I have been with my prayer group. I learned what it meant to pray for others, to love others, to have a heart of compassion, and to confess my sin.
:Class of 2012: I learned what it means to be unified. Everyone was so different but it still worked. At the end of the day, I loved each and every one of them and wanted the best for them.

Asian American Association (AAA)
:Board Meetings and Bondings: It takes a lot to run an organization. There is a lot of planning and necessary preparation. I also learned how to step up, when to step up, when to sit back, etc. It was also good to see different dynamics between peoples' personalities.

UM Housing Staff
:RA experiences: Two years living at Markley as an upperclassman definitely shaped my college experience. I think I got a better sense of Freshmen as an upperclassman because of my RA status and interactions with younger residents.
:Staff bondings: I loved Markley Staff. Yes there were cliques and moments in which I wanted everyone to stop acting like it was high school but overall, I liked everyone (few exceptions). I got along with everyone and knew that in the worst of moments, others had my back.
:CLE: This was an time for epic staff bonding.
:Eventful Duties: Because of my Duty, I know I can handle anything. People will respect you if you act like you know what's going on too. Confidence is 95%. the other 5% is actually knowing.

Global Intercultural Experience for Undergraduates (GIEU): Working in Grenada with the Roving Caregiver's Programme was one of the best experiences of my Undergraduate career. Not only did I have an awesome team to hang out with and experience new things, but my eyes began to open up about the world and how things are very different compared to America.

:Synergy Ministries Missions: Ghana was an experience I'll never forget. My first consulting experience, my first missions experience. I loved it all. I loved my team, the children, working with BASICS. I fell in love with Africa.

:Target Internship: While I gained a lot of business experience, I also learned what it means to be a college student with no responsibilities and no stress. I learned how to manage up with my manager, how to work hard, and act in a professional environment. I also learned how to party hard, and how to truly unwind after work.

My undergraduate carer at the University of Michigan is not one that can be replicated. I was challenged to grow, to become a woman. I had my ups and downs in my walk with God but know that He is always there. I recognize my shortcomings and have definitely chilled out a lot. I have learned that it is not worth stressing out over everything because there is a time and a place to worry about something.

I learned who I am. Forever and always, Go Blue!